They’re Just Being Nice: Imposter Syndrome in Women Leaders

Why Even High-Achieving Women Doubt Praise

Imposter syndrome in women leaders affects even the most accomplished women leaders. Have you ever presented a major project or shared a bold idea only to have someone say, “Great job!” and your immediate thought is, “They’re just being nice”? If so, you’re not alone. For many women in leadership, dismissing compliments as mere politeness is a classic symptom of imposter syndrome. When you tell yourself “they’re just being nice,” what you’re really doing is denying your own competence and value. In this post, we’ll explore the myths we tell ourselves, uncover why they persist, and share actionable steps to reframe your internal narrative so you can build unshakable confidence as a female executive.

Unpacking Imposter Syndrome: Why “They’re Just Being Nice” Holds You Back

Imposter syndrome in women leaders is a well-documented phenomenon among high-achieving women. Whether you work in tech, marketing, HR, or leadership, the underlying message is the same: you feel unworthy of success. When someone offers genuine praise, your mind whispers:

• “If I accept this, I’ll seem arrogant.”
• “They don’t know the whole story; they’re just being polite.”
• “I just got lucky this time.”

These thoughts may feel protective—like an emotional safety net that prevents disappointment—but in reality, they erode your confidence, visibility, and executive presence. By dismissing positive feedback, you reinforce self-doubt and perpetuate the cycle of imposter syndrome, making it harder to own your achievements and negotiate boldly for the next opportunity. These are the hidden traps that make overcoming imposter syndrome in leadership both challenging and essential.

Common Myths We Tell Ourselves

Below are some of the most prevalent myths that women in leadership use to discount their success. Recognizing these myths is the first step toward breaking free from limiting beliefs.

• “They’re just being nice”—Praise is never as sincere as it sounds.
• “If they knew all of me, they wouldn’t be impressed.”
• “I only succeeded because of luck, timing, or help.”
• “Accepting praise makes me look arrogant or self-centered.”
• “I need to do more than everyone else to prove I’m worthy.”

These thoughts are rooted in fear: fear of being exposed, fear of failure, and fear that you don’t belong. Acknowledging that these myths exist is crucial to overcoming them.

Where These Myths Come From for Women in Leadership

Women leaders often hear conflicting messages from an early age. On one hand, society praises humility and likability; on the other, it demands ambition, results, and boldness. In fast-paced fields like tech or marketing—and even in well-intentioned HR environments—women can internalize subtle (and not-so-subtle) cues:

• Likeability vs. Competence: Studies show that women are often judged more harshly for assertiveness, which leads to feeling the need to downplay achievements in order to be “nice.”
• Perfectionism and Over-Preparation: When you believe you must be perfect, anything less feels like a failure. Result? You become hyper-focused on flaws, dismiss accomplishments, and assume praise is undeserved.
• Survival Strategies: For many high-achieving women—especially those from underrepresented backgrounds—discounting praise was once a way to stay safe from criticism. However, those strategies no longer serve your growth when you’re ready to lead authentically.

These systemic and cultural pressures feed the imposter cycle. When you’re constantly measuring yourself against impossible standards, it’s easy to tell yourself “they’re just being nice” rather than accept hard-earned recognition. These internalized beliefs are why confidence-building strategies for women in leadership must go beyond mindset—they must reshape the narrative completely.

Reframing the Narrative: Steps to Overcome Self-Doubt

Pause and Notice the Thought Pattern
What to Do: The next time someone compliments your work—whether it’s “You did great” or “I love your insights”—take a deep breath. Notice your immediate reaction without judgment.
Why It Works: Awareness is the first step to change. By identifying that thought (“they’re just being nice”), you can consciously choose a new response.

Ask “What If It’s True?”
What to Do: When your inner voice discounts praise, counter with the question: “What if their praise is genuine?” Instead of defaulting to disbelief, let yourself consider that your hard work truly made an impact.
Why It Works: This simple reframing shifts your focus from self-sabotage to curiosity. If you believe the feedback is real, you start to see tangible evidence of your competence.

Create a “Truth File”
What to Do: Keep a dedicated folder (digital or physical) where you save positive feedback—emails, LinkedIn messages, or sticky notes that celebrate your wins. Review this file weekly.
Why It Works: Over time, you’ll accumulate concrete proof of your achievements. When self-doubt strikes, you can revisit the “truth file” and remind yourself of moments when you excelled.

Replace Myths with Mantras
What to Do: Choose one empowering mantra to recite when imposter thoughts arise. For example:

• “I deserve to receive praise.”
• “My work has value, and it’s okay to acknowledge that.”
• “I don’t need to over-explain to prove my worth.”
  Why It Works: Mantras act as mental anchors. By repeating a positive statement, you gradually weaken the hold of negative self-talk.

Embracing Your Worth: Confidence for Women Leaders

Overcoming the myth that “they’re just being nice” opens the door to genuine self-assurance. When you start to accept praise without qualification, you:

• Build Executive Presence – People notice when you stand tall in your own achievements—without apology.
• Boost Negotiation Power – Confidence in your value makes salary negotiations and promotion conversations more natural.
• Enhance Visibility – By owning your impact, you become a role model for others, creating a ripple effect across teams and organizations.
• Strengthen Resilience – Recognizing your strengths equips you to weather challenges without spiraling into self-doubt.

Remember: True confidence isn’t about having zero doubts; it’s about acknowledging those doubts and taking action anyway.

Ready to Rewrite Your Story? Take the Next Step

If you’re a high-achieving woman in tech, marketing, HR, or leadership—and you’re tired of downplaying your wins—let’s change that narrative together. At Dreams Transform Reality Coaching, I specialize in helping women overcome imposter syndrome, gain visibility, and lead with unshakable confidence. Through one-on-one and group coaching, you’ll learn to:

• Quiet the inner critic that says, “They’re just being nice.”
• Build a robust “truth file” that celebrates your accomplishments.
• Develop practical strategies to negotiate boldly and step into new opportunities.

[Book your free 30 min Breakthrough Cal] and start embracing the truth: you deserve every bit of praise that comes your way.

Leadership coaching helps address imposter syndrome in women leaders, allowing them to confidently own their success. If you’re ready to strengthen your leadership and create meaningful growth, visit the Work With Me page or explore Client Testimonials to see how coaching has supported other leaders.